Woman invites friend over to dinner at her new apartment, asks for $40 for ingredients: 'This is such a bizarre set up and is so inconsiderate to you'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Oct 16, 2025 10:00 PM EDT
Two women eat a homecooked meal on someone's patio.

When you're invited over to someone's house for dinner, the last thing you expect at the end of the night is a Venmo request. 

There are a few rules of etiquette that we should all abide by if we can help it. We certainly weren't all raised with the same customs and traditions, but there are a few things that we can agree on. One of them is that if you're hosting, you're the one bearing the cost. If you invite someone over and you're cooking, you should never expect your guest to chip in. That would be tacky. Unless you've expressly talked about it beforehand, and it's something that you agree on. Otherwise, if you don't want someone partaking in your groceries, you shouldn't invite them over for dinner. 

That doesn't stop everyone, though. Some people just don't know where to draw the line. They've gotten too comfortable and expect everyone to pay for their lifestyle choices. Either that, or they're running some sort of scam for a little bit of petty cash. Either way, you should draw a serious boundary with your friend. 

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  • Cheezburger Image 10564027904
    via Unsplash+ (laura adai)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • That's what happened in this story, where a friend who was used to hosting and spending money in order to do so, was suddenly hit up for cash by someone she thought was a friend. She also didn't realize why she was spending so much money on a seemingly simple dish. Read on to see what happened and decide what you would have done.

  • Am I wrong for finding it distasteful that the dinner host asked to split the cost of groceries/ingredients?

    My friend recently moved into a new apartment and invited me to dinner this weekend because she's craving dry pot. For those of you who don't know, dry pot is a stir-fried medley of veggies/meat all mixed up with a bunch of fancy spices like star anise and cardamom. It was a cute idea and my first time visiting hers for dinner, so I accepted and asked if it'd make sense for me cook something too (it's a small kitchen).
    via u/cimorene_faye
  • Here's where I personally thought it got weird - she suggested I bring a bottle of wine, and then casually mentioned that she'd like me to pitch in for the cost of ingredients and spices. Now, neither of us are strapped for cash. We both live in a HCOL city but have very good jobs and financial stability. I've also hosted this friend before plenty of times
    via u/cimorene_faye
  • at my own apartment - not for dinner, but for cocktails. I worked as a bartender a few years ago and since then have accumulated my own bar setup at home (20+ bottles of liquors and bitters, home-made syrups and infusions, clear glass molds, cute glassware, the works). That was maybe 7+ years ago and since then my place has become a go- to place among my circle of
    via u/cimorene_faye
  • friends for an occasional pre- dinner drink, and it's really fun creating special cocktails that people will enjoy. I've never asked anyone for a single cent, nor did I feel like that would be the right thing to do given that I was the one hosting.
    via u/cimorene_faye
  • I felt like given this context, it was kind of odd for her to ask me to pitch in for $ given that it's never come up before and I know her financial situation. But she got upset at my pushback and her rationale is that dry pot is expensive to make and that she'd be the one doing the cooking and cleanup. As of the time of this
    via u/cimorene_faye
  • post, she's spent nearly $80 on specialty spices, and she's still got to get another $100+ worth of "imported and specialty" groceries (from H-Mart Imao). Apparently this dry pot is also going to make 5-6 servings, which I feel like is even more odd because 1. I was just planning to be there for dinner and wasn't counting on leftovers 2. you can control how much you cook at one time, so you don't HAVE to make that much food in one go if you don't want to.
    via u/cimorene_faye
  • My take is that if you're offering to host and cook dinner, buying the food and putting in the time to cook is part of being a good host! Her PoV is that my making drinks for her throughout the years isn't equivalent to cooking a full dinner, and that it's very normal to ask someone to pitch in for the cost of food, and that if
    via u/cimorene_faye
  • I'd asked her to pitch in for liquor at any time she would've happily done so. At that point though I don't know why we wouldn't just go to a restaurant and split the bill, because that'd basically be the same thing. So Reddit - AITA for being disgruntled at being asked to split the cost of the groceries + some of the spices?
    via u/cimorene_faye
  • ETA: For accuracy's sake I checked our message history and it was actually closer to $40 of spices! So less expensive than I initially thought
    via u/cimorene_faye

  • Commenters agreed that this was a weird position to be put in.

    Catlover9382 11h ago • NTA just decline the invitation and don't have her for cocktails anymore.
    via u/Catlover9382
  • kokoromelody · 10h ago . NTA. This is such a bizarre set up and is so inconsiderate to you. If the plan was to split the cost of ingredients evenly between you two, that should have been the first thing she brought up. And if that's the
    via u/kokoromelody
  • case, you need to have equal say in how much gets spent and on what. Especially if it's just you two, there's no reason that dinner should cost $200 in ingredients. My personal policy is that if I'm inviting friends to dinner, I am willingly taking on that
    via u/kokoromelody
  • cost as host. Sometimes I'll ask or friends will offer to bring something, like a side/app/dessert, but charging your guests is abrasive especially if they get little to no say in what gets bought and cooked.
    via u/kokoromelody
  • Schannin 10h ago Star anise and cardamom do not cost that much. Also if she's buying $80 in spices, she's not using all of them for one dinner, she'll have them around for a while afterwards. I know there's also rice and meat to this, but this sounds excessive.
    via u/Schannin
  • Yeah, she wants to get "imported, specialty items" but that's something she should have discussed with she invited you over. Sounds like she wants to have a fun cooking adventure night but didn't talk to you about the cost factor beforehand which is her own fault, and not normal to assume a dinner guest would front.
    via u/Schannin
  • RadDrMom · 10h ago NTA, she's filling up her spice rack and pantry and wants you to foot the bill! I'd bow out gracefully and say let's just get a drink out instead. Let someone else be the sucker
    via u/RadDrMom
  • fly1away 10h ago . Pull out of dinner and never accept another dinner invitation. Don't invite her for cocktails again if you can avoid it. This friendship is cooked.
    via u/fly1away
  • no_good_namez · 10h ago . NTA your offer to bring a dish was sufficient. She's asking you to split the cost of her pantry. $80 in spices for a single dish is wild.
    via u/no_good_namez
  • chooseusermochi 10h ago NTA. She wants you to help stock her spice cabinet. And I mean H-Mart can get pricy sometimes, but geez, if you have an H-Mart near you you should have an actual Chinese market. None of the spices you listed should be that expensive. Or just go out to get dry pot.
    via u/chooseusermochi
  • Willing_Juggerna... • 11h ago Don't fucking show up to this dinner if your feeling something about it. and yes who the fuck ask for ingredients cost for a dinner they are hosting.
    via u/Willing_Juggernaut60
  • HappySummerBr... • 10h ago It's called hospitality. In nearly every culture on earth what she did would be considered shameful. A host offers hospitality and a guest offers gratitude and pleasant behaviour. Nta
    via u/HappySummerBreeze
  • Nashiker2020 · 10h ago NTA. If you're going to split the cost, at the end of the night, you should be able to take 1/2 of everything--- leftovers, unused spices, unused vegetables, unused meats---home with you.
    via u/Nashiker2020
  • OMissy007 10h ago I totally agree... It's weird. how people are so forward today. I would never invite someone over and ask for them to pay half especially when it feeds a serving of like six people. It's laughable. In fact, I'm laughing as I'm typing this.
    via u/OMissy007
  • wesmorgan1 • 10h ago . I've never been asked to contribute to the cost of a meal in a typical "dinner at a friend's house" situation. Having said that, I'm reasonably certain that none of my friends have ever spent $200 making a meal for two.
    via u/wesmorgan1
  • This is just "out there" enough that I'll say NAH - they aren't totally out of line. for asking, and you aren't totally out of line for refusing.
    via u/wesmorgan1
  • Decent_Front4647 10h ago . INIA. And who keeps the leftovers and the spices? It sounds like she wants you to help fund her spice rack. I'd pass on dinner. That's some serious lack of etiquette here
    via u/Decent_Front4647
  • littlemicetamer · 10h ago If you value the relationship, I would pay this time and never accept another dinner at her place. If this isn't a great friend anyway, decline the dinner and ghost.
    via u/littlemicetamer
  • Cheezburger Image 10564028928
    via Unsplash+ (laura adai)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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